EURGHHH

i feel down

not like really down like i did an hour ago

but down nonetheless

but manageable down i suppose and i’ll be at school in like an hour so i will be distracted from it for like two hours there i guess which is good. actually then i will go the pharmacy after school and pick up my stomach meds that’s a good idea. i’m gonna wear my coat again to school because i’m scared it will rain on my way to the pharmacy or smth and i dont wanna get dead wet in my uniform without a coat (i dont do umbrellas :’] ). 

i also felt sick so i tried to force myself to eat cheese on toast and managed one and a quarter pieces but EURGH then i felt too sick to eat any more and i feel bloated and vommy now :( it’s vile. 

idk why i’m posting this. ugh i’m gonna see cox ‘cause he’s an omnipresent force @ school and he will just look @ me in disappointment for not being in his lesson this morning and maybe say something to me about how i need to be in his next lesson whenever that is. i feel really bad when i miss his lessons but i had another bad episode last night and slept soo badly as a result and just woke up feeling extremely tired and lonely and depressed so i just went back to sleep again instead of getting up on time to go into school for his lesson. sigh. 

it’s really hard not to feel like a complete failure all the time. that’s the thing i struggle with most. 

jesus christ i need to go out in like a half hour and i’m not dressed for school yet so i better get a move onnn