life update

hm.

idk still struggling with my mood

trying to fight off this sadness that has started to creep back in on me hm.

on the plus side

i made it to school this afternoon, saw some of my friends, got some gossip and hugs haha

me and matthew planned our crazy lies for archit’s birthday thing (erica lexy is me one <3) and our punk cabaret bar that we’re gonna open…in school…:’)

french was actually good you know, and i have work that i missed to do so that’s good too to keep my busy. i also have yesterday’s 90210 and big fat gypsy weddings to watch as well. 

my throat is a bit sore. -.-

i also need to work on my english coursework too ‘cause it’s sooo shit ugh. 

um yeah. also i keep talking about joe to people and being all whiny and annoying but actually i think it’s helpful i think it’s helping me to get over it all because my friends are so fabulous and lovely. it’s difficult because it all just feels like my loss, you know…’cause it definitely was a loss no matter what anyone says about him. but at the same time it’s not a loss of something i need and it’s not a loss of something i even ever thought about or wanted before it just suddenly happened out of the blue so i know that you know as time goes on it will just be another irrelevant thing again and i wont be bothered about it anymore. it’s just harder to get to that stage because of being depressed, because it skews my thought processes so i keep concentrating on the loss aspect. grr. but i’ll sort it out eventually with the help of my fab friends, i know i will. :)

my appetite has totally gone today, lethargy is pretty bad too. oh the pharmacy finally got my vitamin d tablets so i’ve took the first one today. i’ll go to see my GP either next wednesday or next friday. probably wednesday, my dad wont be home then lol. the anti-histamene is not helping my rash either so i need to see him about that to, and sort out the ASD referral form.

looking forward to seeing charlie tomorrow ‘cause there’s a few like practical issues i want to talk through with her. there’s no wishy washy emotional shit i want to talk about because we’ve done my parent issues to death and there are no new like random arguments or anything that have popped up in the past week or anything so nothing to discuss there and my friends are providing me with another talking therapy about anything else that is bothering me haha bless them. i just need to talk about practical things like my attendance and paying for my A2 exams and the possibility of deferring my uni place and applying for DSA and informing oxford of my health difficulties and applying for special circumstances with exams and that kind of thing. i am going to try and get as much support as possible b/c i know i need as much as possible…which is quite sad and i hate feeling so goddamn needy but still it would be stubborn and stupid to miss out on it, i would just regress and suffer more. that support is there to level the playing field after all and if i am entitled to it i will take it because i deserve to. it’s not MY fault i’m ill.

well

yeah

tada